how are you living your life?

you experienced and witnessed things that bring you feelings. how we response is vital in determining how we feel for living. actually, everyone more or less experience the same issues in life. just a matter of how we react, and that make a whole lot of difference.

i'm a downright pessimist. i said earlier on to live a colourful eighteen, but now being tied down by emotion affairs. its not about him. its about class.

i'm the odd one out. we have 15 in class, splitting along the fault line into econs gang and physics gang. i'm now in the so called physics gang aka Fan3 Dui4 Dang3, though i take econs. initially was with ben and jer, but due to PW issues, i guess we can't go back to the situation back in the first 1 month i'm in jj.

seriously, i don have good friends. yes, many acquaintances, but not true friends (excluding tyl). ah bao said that when she leave njc, she won't miss that place. me too. i won't. but now i'm something call chairman, i've the extra responsibility to bond the class. if by true means i cant, i got to do it the superficial way then.

you out there, do u live your life with truth or falsity? i'm living with truth. i can't lie to myself. i can't lie that we are united, i can't lie that we are understanding, i can't lie that we are helpful. something is happening in the class that i thought will only happen in top jcs. there is secrecy in learning, not notes sharing. yeah you will share with your good frens thats all. i'm a little guilty of that during secondary times. so time have changed, i have become a lone chap/ solitaire soul that is in association with no one. there is no one that i can REALLY pour things out blatantly. to be what i'm really am. NO. i'm acting. i dunno how long can i last.

but acting not necessary have to be bad. sometimes, u gotta have that superficiality to make things go smoother. although this is not going to be helpful in the long run, i don think we will have a long run scenario in our future. we will definitely going to BREAK apart.

arhhh. i dunno how much harm my words can cause, cos sometime i just think too much. this is my 2cents worth of opinion in the spur of moment.

x-country. i want to quit. i see no future in MYSELF, and no future in the ENVIRONMENT that the team is in. simply sucks. but i don think i can. my testimonial is going to be empty then...............


endure. smile. if cant do it from bottom of your heart, do the fake way first. then slowly transform to genuine smile.

can i lie to myself? 8:05 PM