Happy Birthday yZ.

But sorry i cant be happy to deliver my well-wishes.

today the aces at jj was a total mess. performance wise, so-so.
took a cab with glenda (!) back to css. their performances were not much better off. but i was back to see teachers and friends. so its okay.

i realised, i dunno how to answer a SIMPLE & a most common question.

"how are you ?"

the most usual answer will be "fine". but i don give that. what for when i am not fine at all ?

but, does that mean i must pour all my grief and pain out to the smiling enquirer? that will bring down the atmosphere vastly.

mrs ng-tan, benazir, lao huang,ms phoon, mr singh asked me. i gave different answers to all.
-.-

at that precise moment, how could i summarise all my feelings?
but sometimes the word "fine" is necessary, cos you wont want them to worry unnecessarily for you..

btw.. mrs leong.. i wont disappoint you.. but still, i am not studying for my sake.. i wanna bring her good news..

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MY PHONE GOT STOLEN. ON THE WAY TO JP AFTER LUNCH WITH 4-1 PEEPS ON BUS 178. SOME STUPID FUCKER IDIOT BASTARD RUBBISH SHIT STOLE MY PHONE. I DOZE OFF AND HAD MY BAG OPENED & UNGUARDED. THERE WERE LITTLE PPL & NO ONE NOTICE.

STOLEN

..... just feel utmost helpless. was stranded at jp. cant rmb any numbers except my house,my godma house,ah bao & pt. i tried calling ahbao with public phone, she didnt pick up.. i called my phone.. off...

Tears came

Helplessness dominate

Composure lost

went to godma house..so i can get her to call her son to ask him to terminate the number since it was bought under his name.. she was not there either..

everything went wrong

HOW NOW?!

dad just scolded me last week for buying the new phone.. btw my stolen phone is only 5 weeks old. now it is gone.. i suppose i must buy it again?

just check my account book

ha-ha-ha

i actually spent 3k in 9 months time.

ever since applied the nets card so i can buy the laptop, i had been flaunting my "wealth".

i thought i will just stop after the near 2k laptop purchase. but it had only meant an never ending beginning.

at this rate, i cant go to uni at all. dad alrd said he cant afford. so i can only depend on own.

cant pin hopes on sch-ship either.
with such results & resources?

yeah right continue to dream BIG!

maybe for my 18th bday, all of u just give me angbao will do.

HA.HA.HA

the thing that i have always been afraid to lose, is phone.
why didnt the person take the camera or wallet instead??

do you know how much memory the phone contains!

the contacts! it means relationships of past & persent!

the messages! it means touched moments & feelings!

the videos! it means the smiles of pillars of my world!

it captures all my PAST. and thats when i gotta change phone, there is unwillingness. cos i gotta chose and give up memories. since i cant possibly bring all photos & videos over..

i hope my number can be retained. i have always wanted to never change number.
there is this hope.
hope that if many years down the road, a someone, when want to contact me and i will be there.

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现在，我喜欢群体中做那个搞笑又白痴的，来制造一点我没有的快乐。已不知道这一
切是真是假。只知道，一个人时，是不懂得笑的欢乐。难怪谐星都是悲哀的。。。


现在还真象个失意又不得志的人。

想逃。

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Read between the lines
Whats fucked up and everything is alright

-Boulevard of Broken Dreams 8:24 PM













THEY WON!! woohooo~~~

went down to support mt yl km band at arena club. hmm that place not as indecent that i had thought la. maybe partly cos its organised by njc. haha,no offense here. but many ppl were surprised njc actually organised such an event. an really cool and meaningful event. since the main aim were to raise funds for children cancer foundation. heh njc not just mugger sch! kudos to njc, doris & joanne! =DD

myat thaw..cant recognise him from far. lol. he ah, looked very "band" type lo. heh. yl said he become very astray. i think.. still alright ba. the way we converse in msn and sms. (but maybe cos i am doing him a favour la. hmmm.) if can must talk to him more to find out how he has become. while he was playing, can see he is very serious about music. =))

kaung myat..hmm,i shd say he became fitter and more muscular can? haha. anyway, i think the part when he is supposed to shout hysterically, is very well executed. or at least, i like. haha.

yelay.. hmm.. ure still.. good looking. haha. nono, i didnt get mesmerised again and fall in love. 5-6 years already. over is over. now is purely admire him that he got talents other than looks. never know he can sing =) nice! hmm, though i still feel u treat me indifferently and more specially towards tyl, but its okay la. expected. im glad i don feel the pain now, just a moment of sour and thats all. haha. myl! ure cool =))

hmm..myl brother is very the shuai too! lol all of us agreed! pt even said more better than yelay. haha! she seldom says guys handsome de. hee. his bro eyes really nice dao~~captivating. sparkling. and look really alike to yelay, just younger & innocent-er version. too bad la, he in boys sch.(don get stray from the right path ah.lol) hmm but ferric from bryan cls got the similar eyes too..

zaw..nah he not in the band. but going out with him is getting funner +) i used to see him chao bu shuang in pri sch. haha.. [things alway get better when you lost it] anw, i broke the promise!>< he was saying about loving a person for max 5 years(meaning those 1-sided ones).. i actually exceeded it..so perhaps this is so classic that he intro me as " the one who like yl" to darren and yl bro.. waliew.. !! anyway.. yupp the deal is on. come out during hols!


i hope you guys worth the relationship...
My fav photo. mt km yl.

Labels: A Bitter Affection

12:15 AM

....

Extreme. Feelings

Lose it all.

Twice to a sch team plus a piece of wood.
Once to 2 dunno what who that belong to the sea house.

RAH

guess he officially know who wl is. good lor. yeah,im one great fan of you. i mean anti-u union. im Pro-LeowNg also. hahah. =))

that was the only match he watched throughout. maybe cos he wanted his sea house to win. but maybe also he saw a girl thats so worked up about winning,and somemore is from the champion house(ahem ahem. hohoho)
then the more he wanna beat.
yeah good your house did.
cheers.

but.
u know we were competing on a fair basis.
penguin house got not as much supporters
but nvm
BY and i were use to fight against odds
and, you dont really know how to be good audience and cheerer
NO ONE is supposed to shout "out".
players can only rely on their own judgement
alright maybe you dunno
forgiven.

but i cant stand that face
just like you(and many others outside there), cant stand mine too

the lost just gave me more moltivation
to retain the champion house title next yr.

Penguin GOGOGO

Anyway, the justin, is so irritating. he looked like some china guy but possess by england spirit. lols. the way he gave instructions. wabiang eh. so formal. like teacher. okay la i do respect that type of cool composure you exude. but we gotta do things to fit the atmosphere eh? when he was talking,ev1 was like o.o. haha,wl mouth was wide agape.
lucky that he didnt get BY not to play the game. if not i will shout to his face.

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My badminton really sucks.

How did i become a captain

No skills No spirit No right attitude Nothing

I don deserve the respect from juniors, the commendations from teachers

They had only seen the good side
Never know how bad the other side was

I only threw CSS badminton face. I just looked like a normal girl who know a little skills.

school team!

Like i dare to mention it.

Disgrace.

I hope the juniors see this.

work hard.. to bring up our name alright? we were formidable and feared once.. bring us back.. with hardwork, you guys can really do it. you guys can. i don have the chance anymore.





just realised, i was never a leader, never a good leader

why did you give empty promise?..
cant get over you
abcef ..
9:05 PM

GP

Term 2-78 A

CT- 49.5 S

Best Joke of The Century

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First real run after 1 month of hibernating

First 8km run after 3 years

A horrible hour

With angle pain left right knee pain back pain

SS. Simply shit

Finish. Indulge in the unmentionable

SIN.FUL

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How can i ever make the mark?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Someone, FAR FAR FAR worse, is doing better, now.

NO

Things cant be in this way

Im from 4-1, i will be better!

I want to




own



FOCUS!
PW.Promo.


Remember the 5Ps of leader- Purpose Positive attitude Passion Patience Play 7:40 PM

b4 touching on the camp,let me touch on the westzone superstar. it didnt really matter to me who won. just enjoy the process of watching it (though some were singing really horribly -.-), with cx and his friend, by the name of "the sch opp MEPS". LOL. He got that beng look, but he is actually very child-like and funny! hahaha, the way he talks. cant believe he is older than cx and me. haha. so, nice hanging out with them, hope can go out again. heh. cos they are fun and easy going. Hmm. This sat i really wanna go down support mt km yl band. Though when with them it is always uneasy and sometimes frustrating. but, i don want relationship to distant, not matter how faint the primary sch friends connection is.i wanna keep that bond, just like the ones that are forged in secondary days. in short, i love to keep [most] of the bonds forged =) so, i don really mind who takes the initiative to suggest meeting up, though sometimes its irritating la. don have to be so ji4 qiao4. sooo, lets support his band!! heh!

The Camp- LEAP Leadership Enterprise Attitude Passion

COOL.NICE =)) its quite a HC camp. haha. high class. got ballroom dancing-cha cha! steady. den learn dining etiquette and imaging stuff. well, even me this piece of wood can also like the dancing part, im sure all others will like it! even danced with MrLeow!! haah my II leh =DD

Most impactfull part was of cos the talking session by MrLeow and the song singing session conducted by him. hmm. i only not regretted coming here when he does things with us. lol...

The ballroom dancing was so successful that we will be doing that during ACES day. so during pe session today, the other students were taught. was exceptionally high. lol. leaders went around teaching others. realised gotta be high, b4 you can influence others. it is really fulfilling to see others learning. =)) i used to feel quite indifferent to all these. it all depends on my mood. when i feel good, i will get really high!! if not, just be glad i didnt show you my darken face. heh.

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i don mind you guys depending on me. i am just worried i am not good enough. it was always like that in the past. i need to learn from others to get better.
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charity (rock) concert. The Arena. Sat. 5-9pm. tics at 12 bucks. any interested?

hope can go! mt band jiayou~~ 5:37 PM

One word to describe the T-situation

Hopeless

The blow will come tml. If someone who didnt get to where she should be, but yet still shine as brightly as she should have be at here, why cant i? we may not be of the same caliber, but definitely similar.

i will, shine.
in times to come.
Go

from tuck blog..

Sometimes, we try too hard.Sometimes, we try too hard.
Try too hard to make our ideas heard and make others agree with us. Never really considered the other alternatives, never really listen to what others have to say. Never really wondered what others thought of us. Never.

Sometimes, we try too hard.
Try too hard to be the best. All the late nights and all the mugging, only to find someone else doing better, rendering you second best. Never thought about losing. But what's the point when no one really cares about you. Is that what's to happen?

Sometimes, we try too hard.
Try too hard to please. All the sacrifices and the things we have done. All the things we've done replied with a callous look. Just needing a little appreciation. A tall order? Is it worth all the trouble? Is it better to be a little more selfish and think more about ourselves?

Sometimes, we try too hard.
Try to hard to be perfect. Just had to get that extra stroke or to give that extra effort to make it perfect. Not content with being second best, not content to be sufficient, always need to be on the dot. But, always let down by the cruelty of reality. Perfect is the word.

Sometimes, we try too hard.
Try too hard to be find happiness. The latest Nokia phone, the latest Adidas shoes and the most updated Laptop. Only to find that without these, our lives are actually just void. It might not be the newest or the most trendy because happiness is from within, not from what others say.

Sometimes, we try too hard.
Try too hard to juggle our daily life. Family, friends, tutorials and CCAs just to name a few. Don't know what everyone's expected of us, don't know who's in control. Just going with the flow.

Sometimes, we try too hard.
Try too hard to find something call self-identity. A sense of belonging. A feeling of being yourself, against all the obstacles and challenges. Tired of being a nobody, feeling the fatigue of finding yourself in this concrete jungle.

Sometimes, we try too hard.
Try too hard to compare. RJC, HCJC, VJC. Harvard, Cambridge, NUS. 1st, 2nd, 3rd. Bungalow, Condo, HDB. Compare to make progress. Compare to gauge how good we are. All these just to show off or just to shed some pity on ourselves? A dumb rat race to nowhere.

hope this is not infringe of copyright. lol. but it struck me. anyway, i hope this can be passed as a form of acknowledgment. ^^

Labels: track

7:12 PM

I suppose my CT grades are alright, based on the amount of time and effort that i had prior to the test. A B D. Think i did horrendously bad for chem?? This could be the reason that i am not even shortlisted to go for overseas trip. rahhh. It is the school loss. hahahaha. Anyway, not matter what my grades for gp and chem are, i wont be satisfied. This is not what i am supposed to have. rmb ah,wl,cant waste your css chers effort and the name of cos..

Anyway, congrats Mr. ProjM/C for getting shortlisted eh? yesh i am chao bu shuang he got it.. good lor, come back from chem trip, go for csl medan trip lor. hahahaha. rahhh..
Hmmm,as for myself,i don have a valid reason not to go medan anymore. But,i shall remain my firm stand. I am sick of weekly meeting. And i don want to be so ill prepared for promos and pw. In short, i don mind being a mugger, a being that i detest so much back in secondary days. And also, i wanna train hard for track..!! (thou i am not doing that very assiduously now >< )


我知道自己的能力范围是什么，自知之明。但那不代表我会安与现状，不挑战自己。
只是凡事要视情况而定。这次，我想安分的读好，跑好，做好。


Promos X-try GradNight07 3:41 PM

第一次。。我不了解。。你那是什么表情啊?。。 第二次。。你应该有看到吧?不抬
头，是因为即使相视彼此，也只有一个无奈的笑吧? 8:33 PM

I am suffering hard from withdrawal symptoms again. 感情用事.

你能快乐一点吗? 5:02 PM

Finally finished reading HP7!! It took me more than a week -.- So, the story ended, the magic ended.. Had been chasing it for about 5 years.. Simply magical about the series, if not how did it take people to willingly read through the thousands of pages, creating not a fad, but an everlasting magical journey. Hope the 6th and 7th movies can be nice! I will re read again after As i guessed.. cos once i started reading on HP books, i will do nothing else. So that suggest i have not been doing any constructive things ever since CT ended. (is watching er zuo ju zhi wen considered one? =DD watching that really made me feel happy at simplicity of the hearts.)

I guess i will never be captivated and enchanted by books again. Never in this lifetime.

On a side note, i got to watch "To catch the uncatchable" happy ending version at yy blog. hahaha. It was ultra lan, but still, made me feel better that the 2 are together =)))

Out of the magic world, i gotta get down to work now. boo hoo. studies.. track.. (btw my food ban was severely violated this few days. aghast! )

Serious. Focus. Discipline! 10:08 PM

Went out with yl pt today. No photos, only neoprint. hmm. was quite a sian trip. cos i was really tired from all the late nights of catching a super old but nevertheless captivating idol drama, and of course, HP7. hope i didnt dampened the atmosphere too much =x

Surprisingly, we didnt shop much. Instead we went around eating. Went to 3 different places! What a feat. But well, who say a trip must alway be happening. Just simply sitting down, eating nice food and some catching up is very precious already.

Touched on the topic about future again. It is really sad that i am still feeling very much lost and unsure. I do like event management.. but after OD experience, i am having second thoughts. Am i fit to be such a person? To constantly tackle with the pressure of meeting DEADlines. I do like teaching too.. but what can i teach? Math-too boring and i cannot imagine myself doing a uni degree on it,gee! Chem-cant even fully understand current concepts, dont pass on the harm to future hopes carriers! Chi-dunno the 5000 years of culture and so many classics remain untouched,ohmy!

As i get older, i am prone to create misery for myself. this is bad..

Random: There is no point in buying all those things, if the thing that i needed badly comes from the heart. But the problem is, i just cant have that. so i am trying to compensate it by buying all these externals.. The externals wont help for long.. i need, i really need, contentment. and a simple heart. 11:58 PM

New blogskin. dunno that cbox will get "renew" if change de ah? or is it im too noob le? lol if there is a way to get back the old one do tell me. more stuff up tml =))) 11:46 PM








10:16 PM