Thanks =) and sorry =( to Ms Ha for taking up your time today!

Btw, i saw one of my badm juniors, Odelia. Oh dear she changed so much! For the better of course :) She's so slim now la. It's like i'm her past size. Lol.. The only one reason that i dont like to bump into old friends outside is cos they'll sure find me "grow" so much. Hhaha. Euphemism.

Hmmm, Life is hard now. Perhaps this is the struggle of live. I still rmb my PAE chem teacher said As is the toughest period of your life. He said when he was in uni, he was "shaking leg everyday and go cafe eat cake". Lol. What an carefree life. Must be because of the trainings and tortures that nj gave him.

Come again, it may not be the real struggle of LIFE. The literal interpretation of such statement, is an issue of life and death, which fortunately (or hopefully), something that i do not need to deal with yet. I'm blessed with relative good health, though i'm pretty much abusing it as i'm not active as before but still gorging as much (or is it more).

2 years ago, what am i doing? - Slogging my guts out for an ORDINARY level exam. staying back in school.. consultations.. trudging thru sch papers.. underwent all those with wonderful 4-1. Back then, i was still having my dial-up internet connection and a faulty dell desktop. being online was not part of my life then.

2 years later aka NOW. what am i doing? - living as day like a zombie with no aims no zest no passion to do well in an ADVANCE level exam. no confidence. defeatist. suffering in silence. no revision. no papers done. class spirit.. honestly,there's none. Failed terribly as a chairman. The many hassles in jj somehow drained my energy to make changes. And with technology advancement and a big hole in my bank account, i am now with a laptop with decent broadband connection. not being online is not part of my life.

geshhh! i need some tight slaps and wake-up calls. Or perhaps those have alrd lose effects on me. Too influence by the family apathy. if you've got parents who do nothing to a school dropout daughter, how motivated can you get?

i wont do well. perhaps not going to be well enough for NBS. hey wait, do i even want to get into NBS in the first place? When people asked, that is my first response. But am i really suitable to go in there? Or do i have that kind of passion or longing for it? you wont get anywhere far without a passion. sometime, i thought i have a passion, but fears for fumbling in that passion will cease the passion. its overwhelming.

i guess i don even have time to go and find that passion ,the fire of one's life. it may not be good to leave the mind to wander aimlessly, but that the only thing now i can do. (although not very well)



Music offers the key to mind lockets. Sporty i may be, the adrenaline gush is not the only way to feel alive. I don know much about music actually. Those popular english and mandapop, don really leave you with lasting impression and influence. classical music, instrumental music, or baroque music, serve more of such purpose. actually i don really know the difference but does it matters anyway. as long as you FEEL deeply & connected to that music. it is a pity i did not have chance for music or instrument lessons... now it is a tad too old to learn right? going 19 soon. zzzzzzzz.

i thought i like violin, cos thats what Huaze Lei plays in Meteor Garden. Lol. But i realise my fondness is actually upon the cello! i like the deepness in the sound cello produces, it's reverberating and 荡气回肠. it make you cry when you're depressed but also help to clear your troubled mind. it is the food for my confused mind.

go listen! there's plenty in youtube. you'll fall for it too =) concerto is even more soul-stirring. in layman term, simply shiok la. ^^




once again, clinging on the thin line, of hope. 8:38 PM