contentment
Sunday, June 3, 2007
What an unfruitful day. Not that because it was spent with yZ,but due to the lack of self-discipline to spent the time wisely.
So, reached jw lib just before 10am. You know,being typical singaporeans, i will arrive early to increase my chance of getting a table in the table-scarce jw lib. When i arrived,saw H******N. Was shocked. That means... he could be there too! ><
I tried hiding in a corner unsuccessfully cos there was no corners available for me to conceal my presence. In the end, i went to the toilet purposefully, coming out only when the 'gate' was opened. Actually i wasn't sure whether he was there at all, but just feeling a high possibility since H was there. Well, the thought was confirmed when i saw his bei4 ying3 with his usual schoolbag. He was hopping fast with eyes darting around in search for a table. yupp so found it and settled down with H..
When yZ came, i asked her to go to the area he was residing at, to take a look at him. She said he was wearing polo, but i saw him wearing black T. So i dunno were we referring to the same person -.- lol.. BUT,she said she saw a gal. So its most probably S yeh? But i did not spot her with them initially.. Oh well. Not sure whether he knew i was there. If he knew, it would be obvious that i was avoiding, for no comprehensible apparent reason.(just so typical of me.) But H seems to know who i am.. I hope he did not tell my confession to his pals.. ........ AH! There hasnt been much interaction with him ever since May!* . When saw him on friday, he just gave an acknowledge wave.(like what else more he can do?.. since we are not working anymore) . If he get involved in OD, it will be good then.. Hopefully.. But the chances are slim i guessed..
I am currently 17.5 and 1 day old. lol.. why do i want to remind myself of that? nah not trying to solicit gifts here.. save it for my grand 18th bday can? Haha... It is just that i see my dear fren pt very much elated for being 17. Looking back at myself, half a year of 17 had gone, a supposedly much enjoyable phrase of teenage life. But what did it really contain? Just much distress,tears,paranoid and fears.
1st 2 months were spent at njc. yupp initially was enjoyable with orientation.After that, it was much of slacking and being unproductive. Next was feeling lost, as i cant catch up, even pon school a day for not wanting to face the work in school.
Then,received my O result. Took quite a while to overcome the trauma and accepting reality. Got admitted into a vastly different environment. The initial target that i set to be the top 5% was not reached at all,FAR from it.Scholarship?HAHA. Cant get into scholars programme due to failing in attaining an A for English. Falling asleep in lectures. Failing tests. Feeling fucked up, easily.
Now..I am far far behind. Supposedly to use this holidays to atone all the acad sins. But now..am i?HAHA. Relationship with Jer,and maybe Benita, seems to be very sore due to PW. I really do not want to reach such state.. What can be done to salvage the situation? I wonder why were i so exhilarated upon knowing we are going to be in the same group. It just became a source of conflicts.
17.5 and 1 day. How many days do i really feel truly happy? ... I suppose what i lack, is just... contentment. 知足. As i marched towards the much anticipated 18.Labels: him
--Merci tout le monde--
9:36 PM
